The loss of a
loved one is a normal and universal human event, yet, it is among life’s most
challenging experiences. In spite of the
shared experience and even with strong social support, bereaved people feel
more alone when a loved one dies than at any time in their lives. An intensely
emotional and disruptive period often follows the loss of a close loved
one. As the reality of the death is
fully comprehended and accepted, its consequences can be appreciated and the
feelings beginning to abate. In most
cases, relatively few negative long-term consequences occur. Most people are able to meet the demands of
moving on with life and are able to cope with the loss in a health way.
However, a small
percentage of those who have faced the death of a significant loved one, are
not able to cope even after an adequate time of mourning has passed and
appropriate support has been offered.
Studies show that approximately 7% of the bereaved become hopelessly mired
in grief. For these people experiencing
overpowering waves of painful emotions, the effort to avoid reminders of their
loss becomes a daily consuming struggle.
This psychological syndrome is known as “complicated grief.” People with this kind of prolonged intense
grief exhibit symptoms similar to those with depression and anxiety disorders,
and a clinical diagnosis and treatment may be needed to help them recover.
Although many
people confuse the terms, bereavement, grief and mourning are three very different
components of the experience of loss. Bereavement
is the loss of someone close, a family member, a loved one, a long-time
companion or partner. Grief is the
emotional response to any form of loss.
It generally manifests as sadness and longing as memories of the
deceased resurface in the imagination. The
loss of a part of the body or loss through divorce or the breakup of any significant
relationship can also cause grief. Mourning
is the process of integrating the loss into one’s life, coming to terms with it
by reorienting oneself to life without the person who died, the object lost or
the relationship that has ended. Each
person moves through the rollercoaster of emotions that come with grief in
their own unique way, but there is a general pattern that is considered psychologically
normal. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are emotions that
typically occur in some form. They often
come in waves rather than in discreet stages.
The manner of
death, as well as the depth of connection to the deceased, can produce some serious
complications in the grieving process and make it difficult to integrate the loss. The death of a child seems to be the most
difficult loss people face. It may take up to a decade for family members to
cope with the death of a child. During
that time, they are at higher than normal risk of physical illness, emotional
turmoil and social upheaval.
The way a person
died can have intensify the effect of a death on family and friends. A violent or unexpected death, an intensely
painful ending, or a suicide are particularly hard for family and friends to
come to terms with.
A person grieving
from a complicated loss may withdraw and seem depressed, but grief is not the
same as depression. Depressed people see themselves as inadequate or worthless,
and this impedes their ability to experience any positive emotion. Grief typically
does not manifest itself this way even when it is complicated. Like depression grief turns a person inward,
but unlike depression a grieving person can still appreciate things in a positive,
though muted way. Depressed people and
grieving people withdraw from others, but they do so for different
reasons. Unlike depression withdrawal
due to grief is temporary.
In cases of
complicated grief intense feelings of guilt, bitterness and anger impede moving
forward to a meaningful and productive life.
Sleep disturbance and estrangement from others as well as difficulty
concentrating, and sharp pangs of emotion may increase the disruption of day to
day living. Identifying complicated
grief by revisiting the tragedy with a professional counselor who can prescribe
appropriate treatment is essential to a meaningful recovery.
Companionship is
central to all aspects of treatment. Natural healing is facilitated by
addressing loss and related issues in tandem. Imagery exercises are especially
useful in fostering healing in memory systems. Relearning how to experience and
express positive emotions can help restore physical and emotional health, and creative
problem-solving exercises can help a person get their life back on track. Chaplains and social workers can help identify
complicated grief and make referrals for counseling to help the bereaved cope
with a debilitating loss.
