“The essence of struggle is neither endurance nor denial. It is the opportunity to grow either smaller or larger in the process. There is then, a gift hidden in the travails of a graced crossroads, a gift of beginning again—a conversion.” --Joan Chittister
The object of reconciliation is not to try to put things back the way they were before, but to put them back in a way that is more integrated, more whole than before. Reconciliation is a two-way street requiring both parties to do their own work in acknowledging their contribution to the rift in the relationship. Both may not have contributed equally to the problem, but both must work at repairing what is broken and improving the connection. Otherwise, one will feel righteous, and one will feel blamed. If the result is that one wins and one loses, the reconciliation will fail.
In reconciliation we are seeking a transformation of the relationship for the better, not just for those directly involved but for the common good. For transformation of a community and new life to emerge, we must grow in our capacity to reconcile the wounds of the past, reach across our differences, and work through the conflicts and tensions that have caused hurt. However, a community that is not in sufficient pain will not choose to engage in this painful work of transformation. Pain is the catalyst that pushes us to take a good hard look at ourselves and search for what needs to happen.
Dunn, Ted, Graced Crossroads: Pathways to Deep Change & Transformation, CSS Publications, 2020, pp. 343-359
